We have a page published in the Together Paper each month. You can always read this article via the Wagga Wagga Diocese website, or read below:
It is an inescapable truth of parenting that you will see yourself mirrored in your children. The
good, the bad and the less said the better…
Before we become parents, we tend to be experts. I’m never going to do that with my
children, are words often laced with judgment and intellectual superiority. Meanwhile the
more seasoned parents around us smirk and keep their counsel.
Becoming a parent involves coming to terms with your own limitations, accepting that you
had no idea what you were getting yourself into, and putting one tired foot in front of the
other as you berate yourself for not being the perfect parent.
You will never be the perfect parent, but God decided that you would be the perfect parent
for your children – warts and all. He knew that you have received – and continue to receive –
the graces necessary for this vocation, for you and your unique circumstances. He didn’t,
however, suggest that you’d get it perfectly right as a result.
In fact, parenting is one of those incredible processes where you learn and grow along the
way. Attempting to form our children well requires strength, discipline and humility. And that’s
just for us, we haven’t even gotten to the kids yet!
Andrew Mullins, author of Parenting for Character explains it this way: “In the process of
parenting for character, we adults also need to look at our own habits, so be ready to assess
your own character and your own parenting, and remake those habits that need to change.
We would be hypocrites to expect children to improve themselves if we saw no need to lift
our own game.”
He suggests that “the older we get, the more humility we need if we are to change the way
we do things. Too often our impatience with our children, or our own lack of engagement with
them, says much more about our own lack of character than about the child’s.”
Yikes.
On a more positive note, Kimberley Hahn reflects on this in her book Beloved and Blessed:
Biblical Wisdom for Family Life: “Children are ‘the supreme gift of marriage and contribute
very substantially to the well-being of their parents.’ [Gaudium et Spes] We know that we
contribute to their well-being…But they contribute to our well-being, providing sacrificial
opportunities for us to grow more like Christ.”
Becoming, or growing, more like Christ is our universal call.
For parents, raising our children is the way in which we can respond to this call. Becoming
the best parent we can be, forming our children to be the best that they can be, is bound up
in this reality. We’re not perfect and it’s not easy. But we’re not alone in this. Our Heavenly
Father is fully invested in us and our children.
So how do we form our kids? There’s no easy answer, but this will help:
- Be prayerful. Pray alone, with your spouse and with your children. Pray for your
children. Pray over your children. If in doubt, pray about it! - Be faithful. To each other and to God. To the reception of the Sacraments and the
teaching of the Church. - Be humble. See yourself as God sees you. If you need a refresher on humility revisit
our virtue challenge for the month of March - Be united. With your spouse and with God. Parent as a team. United you’ll stand.
- Become more like Christ. It’s often a one step forward two steps back process but
persevere.
Yes, some days it will feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. Hang in there.
Raising and forming your children might just be what gets you to Heaven. In other words, it’s
worth doing it well!
Written by Emily Shaw
VM Writer and Graphic Designer. Wife of one, mother of 8. Tackling growth in virtue one (baby) step at a time.